Dark Side of the Hooligans

Well what can i say, i’m one lazy fucker but after last night’s WrestleMania 24 Live Coverage i thought fuck it and tonight sees the return of the Pick Of The Week. For those of you who don’t know what this article is, i basically find strange and bizzare news stories from around the world and make fun of the people in them. I guess i should warn you that i have a “unique” sense of humour so this may not be suitable for all readers but if you think you are as sick as me then click on and see what i have found.

Firstly, what happens when you take part in a cake eating contest at a friend’s cafe? If you answered choke and die like a true fairy then you are a winner. Seriously, what a faggy way to die. He didn’t die from an illness or being hit by a car or through interaction with Mark Danger, no this utter waste of human life choked on cake…that’s at least one idiot removed from the gene pool.

Next up, the state of New York’s African American community make an appearance in this article where two “intellectually challenged” black women proceed to beat the fuck out of each other using a sock containing a steel shower head. Yes this is a real story, i’m not making this up. I’m just surprise no one was shot and at wasn’t outside of a Popeye’s. Now for anyone who thinks i’m being racist assuming that the women in this story are black consider this fact; the names of the women are Annarosa and Shenell…you do the math.

Mark Danger is back in the news but this time there is not a five year old boy in sight, he is nestled deep in his “happy sack” as we speak. No, this week Danger has been requesting that women kick him in the groin and for his trouble he has been jailed for 60 days but the judge was kind as he allowed Danger to serve his sentence at weekends so not to interrupt with his distribution venture with Chris Kanyon and Shoot It All Over The Place Inc.

Finally, the UK has attempted to top something that happened in America by recreating 9/11…on a much smaller scale and with no Arabs involved. No in this particular case it was a fucktard in a light aircraft carrying 4 passengers who crashed his plane into a house in Kent, killing everyone on board. I tried to remember how many people died on 9/11 but then i realised i didn’t care as they did nothing for me except ruin television for that one day every year since so fuck them.

Complaints as always can go to ric@canvaschronicle.com or you can email me direct at idontfuckingcareaboutyouropinion@killyourself.com

Join me again next week for more news picks and analysis…ok maybe not so much analysis but fucking idiotic people anyway.