Hello peeps and welcome to the Danger Daily News. I am the host that is kicking life’s
ass Mark Danger. Today was a great day as I was off and I get to do it all again on Sunday. I
rested my sore back. So lets see what I have today………………..

My back has been killing me for the last few weeks, if anyone knows on how to ease the
pain please let me know.

Sen. Ted Kennedy went to the hospital for having a seizure. He was one step closer till meeting
death.

How about the joke of the day…………………………..

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
‘How old was your husband?’ ‘98,’ she replied.
‘Two years older than me.’
‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented.
She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?’
Tomorrow is Judgement Day. So if you go to www.combat-hooligans.com you can read the live
coverage as it happens.

U.S. soldier uses Quran for target practice; military apologizes. Said they have switched
to a picture of Brooke Hogan.

How about the video of the day……………….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7JBsluYRCo

or this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVLLwC-LGM4 (for Casey)

Does anyone know the ticker symbol for the IFL?

Well that’s it for me so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE

Are you ready? I said are yyyyyyyyooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuu ready? For the five people who
read the Danger Daily News and masturbate to it let’s get ready to jack it. Ok ok that was
lame but Mark Danger here to talk some news so let’s get this show started……………..

Ken Griffy Jr. borrowed $1500 from Josh Fogg. Ken then repaid his teammate in pennies. I don’t
get the humor in it and second why in the hell did Ken borrow the damn money. Is Ken poor
now or something.

In some great news the rings stolen from a dead women has been returned to the husband. The
asshole who stole them took them to a pawn shop and got only $600 for them. Now the bastard
is in jail and hope he gets a very long time in jail.

How about the joke of the day……………………..

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor’s office for his annual physical. After the physical, the Doctor asked him to get some sperm for testing.. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this home and bring back some semen tomorrow.”
The Old Man went home and tried with his right and left hand with no results. The Old man than called his wife in to help him. She tried and tried with the same results.
The Wife then suggested they ask the Young/Pretty lady that lived next door. They both went next Door and asked the young girl, who said she would be happy to help. She also tried and tried with the same results.
The next day the 85-year-old man went back to the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: “Well, doc, it’s like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the young lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?” to help you get Sperm.
The old man replied, No we asked her to help us open the damn Jar. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn’t get the jar open.

Ellen DeGeneres is going to marry her lover Portia de Rossi. Afterwards they will have
lesbian sex. I only wish there was play by play when it happens.

To all of the guys who like to jerk off to Shania Twain she is single again.

DMX told the judge that he is not guilty to the 11 counts of drugs and animal cruelty. If
I was the judge I would laughed at his ass.

How about the video of the day………………

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Bf-7PxQ894

or this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh5XVPSx9Dk

If you go to www.combat-hooligans.comyou can now listen to the podcast. Mr. Euan Taylor
fixed it and is now up. So Euan you are HARDCORE.

Well that’s it for me so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE.

Tonight at Combat-Hooligans.com we have live round-by-round coverage of the International Fight League from Uncasville, Connecticut.

The show starts at 8:30 PM ET and you’ll find our live recap here .

However, we have a bonus surprise as you can download the Wandering Euan sells the IFL commercial for your listening pleasure.

Hello happy Hooligans and welcome to the Danger Daily News. I am the host Mark Danger. Today’s
news is going to be short and sweet. So lets get on with it……………………..

If you go to www.combat-hooligans.comand go to the podcast you can see that its shorter then
usual. I mean the IFL lasted longer than this podcast. I let the Master know that it was
short and needed fix. So check back and give a listen will ya…………

How about the video of the day………………

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umvJMg1Cf5c&feature=related

or this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcWPE8o3jDI
How about the joke of the day……………………….

“I have a great diet. You’re allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.” - Ed Bluestone

“Have you ever noticed Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron.” - George Carlin

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.” - Ellen DeGeneris

“Don’t spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.” - Billiam Coronel

“I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” - Dave Edison

“Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.” - Steve Bluestone

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” - Rita Rudner
Well thats it for me, so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE.

Hello Hooligans and welcome to the Danger Daily News. I am the host that Gina Carano could
be proud of Mark Danger. Well I was off again today and got some more rest. I am still
having back pains but the pain killers I have taken are working out very nice. So let’s see
what I have in the news pile ………………………

Nacho Libre was on Showtime today and it was funny. I think that Jack Black is great actor. But I
think his best movie was School of Rock.

I have still have yet to find my phone. So I am now saving up to get a new one. I hope to
have it in the next few days.

How about the joke of the day………………………

How Blonde Is She???

She was Soooooooo Blonde .
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says “Sign here:” she wrote “Sagittarius.”

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde…
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under “education” on her job application, she put “Hooked On Phonics

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde…
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said “Concentrate.”
* She told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK.”
* She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde…
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde …
* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said “TGIF,” which she thought stood for “This Goes In Front.”

Angelina Jolie is going to have twins. I just hope that her brother is not the father.

A home in Roswell Georgia was raided last night and they found HGH, testosterone and a
fake form of Cialis. They were selling it on line and at their front door. If any names
come out don’t be surprise to find some either TNA or WWE names. And if there is some WWE
names that come out….. well Vince you have questions to ask.

Former NFL center Curtis Whitley has been found dead in his trailer home in West Texas. Look
for him to die of a drug overdose.

How about the video of the day…………….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYUzlrUMfmM

or this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EI_vj6pX7s

This is a video of Euan’s mom naked.

This place is only about 1 mile from where I live at.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2008/05/14/bojorquez.obama.tshirt.controversy.wsb

I heard that combat-hooligans very own Wade has won Moron of the Year. I don’t know
on the details on how or why but my hat goes off to him.

I want to send my wishes to Dave Meltzer and his family. I hope that everything gets better
real soon. Also Dave Meltzer is the shit.

Well that’s it for me so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE.

Hi folks Mark Danger here to give some bad news. The Danger Daily News that is. Today was
a great day as I was off from work and did not have to see Hitler. And I get to do it all
again tomorrow too. So with some rest lets see what I have on the news pile today…….

Lesbian golfer Annika Sorenstam is retiring from the world of golf. I guess she is tired of
playing with white balls.

Has anyone got their Tax Rebate yet? Is it in the mail still?

McDonald’s on Thursday will give away FREE biscuit or a FREE Southern Style chicken sandwich
if you get a medium or large drink.

How about the joke of the day………………………..

Euan has a sex life!!! Ha ha ha ha ha

Really here is the joke of the day……………………

A nude woman places a mirror on the floor of her bedroom and she is standing over it, inspecting her bottom side.
Her husband steps into the room, sees her, and asks “Honey, what are you doing?”
“I’m exercising” is her reply.
“Careful… Don’t step in that hole.” he says.
Next year the hit tv show “ER” will getting the plug pulled.

How about the video of the day…………………………….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNCW8kjfwjY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oppbel-pamo&feature=related

Well thats it for me so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE.

Hello boy, girls and trannys of all age’s and welcome to the Danger Daily News. I am the
host that as of right now has a woody Mark Danger. I just ate some good food, my belly is
full and my ass is getting ready to explode with some not so sweet smelling smell. So before
the bodies hit the floor let’s see what I have tonight.

I think that Beth Phoenix has a penis. I mean I can’t be the only one think that she used to
be a man.

I think that as of right now Mickie James is the sexiest diva right now. I could do soooooo
many things if I was with her with whip cream and strawberry syrup. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

How about the joke of the day………………………….

There was a young vampire named Mabel

Whose periods were really quite stable

For every full moon

She would take out a spoon

And drink herself under the table.

or this one (this is for Casey)

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! “The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” [dramatic pause]

“Hi, George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.

They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, “This is where your problem is”.

$49,999 for What???!!!  
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.

The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1 Knowing where to put it $49,999 It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Normal people … believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”
Hugh Hefner wants Miley Cyrus to show us her fuzzy clam for Playboy. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm wonder if
she would do a girl on girl seen with Bridget.

How about the video of the day……………….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWQAqVcqfQs

or this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOpyCEs4ilc

Coming to a Chinese buffet near you as 10,000 Chiness people were killed. Look for them to
be listed as General Tao’s Special.

Well that is it for me, so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE.

Hello twisted Hooligans and welcome to the Danger Daily news. I am the host that well…..
who gives hell every day because I can Mark Danger. I worked late yesterday and didn’t post
any news. For some people that was a good thing. So let’s see what I have today………….

Today is Mother’s Day. I want to wish all the Mother’s out there a good one. I still miss
my mom but know she is in a better place. So if you can give mom a hug for me. And if she
is a MILF slap her on the ass for me!

I have lost my wireless phone, so I won’t be available for a few days so if you need me leave
me a message here and I will get back to you.

How about the joke of the day………………….

Understanding Engineers - One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday,minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
“Take what you want.”
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fitted you anyway.”

Understanding Engineers - Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”
The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”
The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”
He said, “Hello George, what’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

Understanding Engineers - Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Five

The graduate with a science degree asks,” Why does it work?”
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Understanding Engineers - Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”
Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.”
The last one said, “No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Understanding Engineers - Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.”
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.”
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

or this one

The wife
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset — “You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!”
And the husband replied “Hang on just a minute Love, so at least I can tell you what happened.”
“Fine, go ahead,” she sobbed, “but they’ll be the last words you’ll ever say to me!!

And the husband began –

“Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she
was thin, poorly dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days ! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night - the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, But don’t use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your Anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste. I went and found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas - the one that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at that expensive shoe boutique and don’t use because someone at work has a pair the same.” The husband took a quick breath and continued - “She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to
the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”

Jenna Bush got married yesterday. I hear that Ric Gillespie caught the bouquet.

How about the video of the day…………..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IH_h9befEsI

or this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltljWakR66w

or this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzlbEMMV3Wc

Jeff Hardy should be back on Monday. That’s if the drugs have worn off.

Well that’s it for me, so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE

Fox has given the axe to Back to You the only debuting show this fall that I actually bothered to watch. What is even more of a kick to the balls is that the significantly more unfunny ‘Til Death’ seems to be sticking around for a third season even though Back to You had better ratings.

If any of the other major networks were smart they’d pick up the show. It wasn’t perfect but there was a lot to work with and it had some definite funny moments. Unfortunately, none of the networks are smart.

Hello people and welcome to the Danger Daily News. I am the host that still waiting for
my rebate check Mark Danger. Today was my last day being off as I must return on Saturday. My
boss that I call “Hitler” will be back on Monday. I just hope that my transfer happens real
soon as I can’t take working for him.

Nick Bollea the son of an asshole of a father named Hulk Hogan has learned his fate. He is
going to jail for 8 months, 5 years of probation and has to do 500 hours of community
service. He lost his license for 3 years and can’t drink alcohol for 5 years. To me he got
off real easy. He should got the max of 5 years in prison. My only hope that he gets raped
and dies of aids. 5 years of probation is a joke. It should have been 10 years. The 500
hours of community service should be served telling family’s that their loved ones are dead
because of a teenage driver. He should have a 10 year license ban and for the record he
is only 17. Why in the fuck he can’t touch alcohol! He is a minor. He shouldn’t be drinking
anyway. That in fact is a joke. If he was to get caught drinking then he should go to the
gas chamber and die! And for the poor John Graziano’s family they are serving a life
sentence of watching their son lay there dead. He is not there. He is gone and I think that
Nick should pull the plug and finish what he started. Then let them charge him of murder. Nick
Hogan Bollea whatever your name is you need to find god and pray that you don’t get raped
in jail and get aids.

How about the joke of the day……………………

The IRS decides to audit Roger, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Roger shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Roger. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”
Roger says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Roger removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor’s jaw drops.
Roger says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
Now the auditor can tell Roger isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Roger removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Roger’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Roger asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Roger stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Roger’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Roger told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.

I miss my pal Ric Gillespie.

Randy Orton wants some time off to spend time with his wife and his soon to be born first
child. It may or may not happen. I hope that he gets the time to rest and reflect.

The return of Saturday’s Night Main Event could be happening in August.

How about the video of the day………………

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TK3JCmMN5mQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiMQ4IbTBP4

Well that’s all I have. So till tomorrow stay HARDCORE.

Hello people and welcome to the Danger Daily News. I am the host that you could take home
to mom Mark Danger. Well today was a great day as I didn’t have to work and tomorrow will
be even better because I get to do it all again. So with a well rested Danger let’s see
what I have to talk about today.

Sunday is the best holiday of the year as Mother’s Day is coming up. I want to wish all of
the three or four readers here that read this stuff Happy Mother’s Day.

I want to say Happy Birthday to Nigel Sherrod the BEST DAMN WWE announcer they let go. He
is truly HARDCORE.

How about the joke of the day……………………………

1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I can’t remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feelings…’

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - ‘don’t’ and ’stop’, unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it’s lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What’s an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing…….

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life? A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ? A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, ‘Don’t take your troubles to bed’, many men still sleep with their wives !!!

Rapper BMX was caught speeding in Arizona. He later said he was sorry and was let go.

The Atlanta Braves has won 6 stright games. Could this be a winning streak that is coming.

Torrie Wilson has been let go by the WWE. She has a injury and can’t work again so why not
realese her.

Hey go to www.combat-hooligans.com and listen to yet another great podcast. This is an
oldie but goodie.

How about the video of the day…………………………..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFro05ieV5c great song

Oh yeah I suck at the baseball fanasty game. Casey rules at it and I am his bitch.

Well thats all for me, so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE.

Hello happy Hooligans and welcome to the Danger Daily News. I am the host Mark Danger. Well
today was a hot one here in Atlanta. And for tomorrow rain is on its way. We still need
the rain here because we are still in a very bad drought. So lets see what I have today….

A-Rod fainted when he saw a baby come a vagina. I would to. It looks like it would be
something from a horror movie.

A local father, already mourning the loss of his 35-year-old wife, is now dealing with the
fact his wife’s engagement and wedding rings were lost at the hospital. I hope these fuckers
get caught and die for what they did. Here is the video of this story.

http://www.wsbtv.com/video/16186963/index.html

The Heath Ledger action figure is from the new Batman movie is selling like crazy. It’s the
newest thing to get.

How about the joke of the day…………………………..

Women’s Love Poem

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to ‘how big is my behind?’
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

Mens Love Poem

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and hunting. This
doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a shit.

How about the video of the day………………….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTN6Du3MCgI

Gregory Helms and his gay partner Kenneth Powell Narron got into a fight at a local gay
bar. Kenneth asked Gregory if he wanted to play with his gerbil and Gregory got mad at him.
Mr.Helms said that the only thing he plays with or let’s up his ass is Jeff Hardy. Speaking
of Jeff has anyone heard where he could be living now.

Well that’s it for me, so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE.

Hello peeps and welcome to the Danger Daily News. I am the host Mark Danger. Well I sneaked
out early today. I told them that I was going to lunch and I didn’t go back. I called and
told them that I spilled something on my shirt and had to go home and change it. So now I
am sitting in my A/C filled room and have no plans to leave. So lets see what I have
tonight.

The Atlanta Braves are going to play the Padres tonight. I can tell you that they will lose
tonight as they have yet to win on Tuesdays.

Irvine Robbins who co-founded Baskin-Robbins has died. Look for him to the feature flavor
of the month called Dead Cold.

How about the joke of the day……………………….

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud) English - Chinese

That’s not right! Sum Ting Wong

Are you harbouring a fugitive? Hu Yu Ha i Ding

See me ASAP Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man Dum Fuk

Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table! Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni

I think you need a face lift! Chin Tu Fat

It’s very dark in here! Wai So Dim

I thought you were on a diet! Wai Yu Mun Ching

This is a tow away zone! No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week! Wai Yu Kum Nao

Staying out of sight Lei Ying Lo

He’s cleaning his automobile Wa Shing Ka

Your body odour is offensive Yu Stin Ki Pu

Great Fa Kin Su Pa

How about the video of the day……….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qswvMijy9mU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqKYGPw99I0

I hate it when celebrity’s come out and tell us who they are going to vote for. I could give
a rats ass to who they are going to vote for.

Well that’s it for me so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE.

Hello people and welcome to the Danger Daily News. I am still the host here Mark Danger. Today
was a very long day and tomorrow is going to be longer. I can’t wait till Thursday and Friday
as I have those two days off. Also in two weeks I start my week long vacation in which I
don’t have to see my boss. So lets see what I have today……………………

Today is Cinco de Mayo so drink up if you haven’t.

How about the joke of the day…………………….

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a ’sniffing dog’. “His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.”

The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the agent said, “Watch this.”
He told Sniffer to “search”. Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the
agent’s arm. The agent said, “Good boy”, and he turned to the man and said, “That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

“Say, that’s pretty neat,” replied the first man.
Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent’s arm. The agent said, “That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of his seat number for the police.”

“I like it!” said his seat mate.
The agent then told Sniffer to “search” again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place.

The first man was really grossed out by this behavior and couldn’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the agent “What’s going on?”

The agent nervously replied, “He just found a bomb.”

or this one

Games to play when we’re older:

1. Sag, you’re it.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means you don’t need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

Thoughts for the weekend
Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctr Alt Delete’ and start all over?
Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
If raising! children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember:
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart.
Brazil superstar soccer player Ronaldo love cross dressing hookers.

Look for the entire WWE roster to fail the new drug test.

How about the video of the day…………………..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVlKtI7yd_s with all the bad things that happens in sports
this makes yeah feel good.

Thats it for me, till tomorrow stay HARDCORE.

Yes, yes friends i have returned from my long extended absence due to situations i can’t talk about here. So what have i found on the wonderful world of EuTube. Click on and see you lazy fuckers, i’m not gonna do it for you.

Firstly, WEEE has a new sponsor in Powerthirst which is now the official energy drink of the Extravaganza and why not when it has the effects as soon in the below promo video.

Next with all the fuss over Grand Theft Auto 4 on the PS3 and 360, i decided to do some further research and discovered that the first GTA game was NOT on PS1 but actually on the fabled Nintendo Entertainment System. No i’m not kidding, this real fake promo proves it. Fuck you.

And now, it’s time for everyone’s favourite segment….Wandering Euan Ruins Your Childhood~! Tonight’s first mind fuck is a redubbed version of a G.I. Joe PSA on fire safety. Now i don’t know about you but pork chop sandwiches sound like an awful idea to me but hey everyone isn’t me…but i’m working on it.

And now, Who Nibbled Baby Bop’s Pussy? Watch on and see.

That’s it for this time, if i remember next week there could be another. No promises…send money.

Hello people and welcome to another edition of the some what popular Danger Daily News. I am
the host here that when applied for the job was hired Mark Danger. Tonight was a very long
night and its going to be a very long week. My next day off is Thursday and Friday and thats
a long time from now. So lets see what I have today…………

Kyle Busch is gonna get his ass beat by some racer one day. I can’t wait to see that
happen.

The Atlanta Braves beat the Reds 9-1. The Braves will go for the sweep tomorrow.

How about the joke of the day………………….

Arkansas’s Rules

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a “gravel road.” I drive a Pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & fishing lakes. That’s what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 times a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat Crappi and Catfish and love it. You really want sushi & caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.
8. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a Religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there’s no “vegetarian special” on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the pound of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, meats, and meats
12. You bring “coke” into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring “Mary Jane” into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards –it spooks the fish.

I went to see a hooker last night. Her name was Ashley Massaro. I paid her $31,025.25 for
her to do a solo act of the 2girls you know the rest. It was tasteful and I added some
nuts to it.

How about the video of the day……………………..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhwk3uX7TiQ

Thats it for me so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE

Hello Hooligans and welcome to the Danger Daily News. I am the host here that really wanted
this job Mark Danger. I was off today and I am going to have a busy night ahead. Tonight
I will have a Smackdown post and also I will have a live recap of boxing from Showtime. So
please go to www.combat-hooligans.com and read what I have to say.

It was reported that Nick Cannon married Mariah Carey last night. He is younger and she is
older. I see this lasting all of 4 or 5 months.

Ryan Perrilloux was kicked off the LSU football team. He was going to be the next big
thing. He has the same attitude of Pac-Man Jones so I see him in jail very soon.

How about the joke of the day………………….

SCHOOL — 1957 vs. 2007

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge> them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal.
Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s Mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Jim Hagger of the Hee Haw fame has died. He was 66. I miss Hee Haw. It was a great show
to watch and it was funny too.

How about the video of the day………….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCdw7ghpGyA

Well thats all I have. I need to get ready tonight. So please check it out and as always
be HARDCORE.

Hello people and welcome the the REAL Danger Daily News. I am the host with the most Mark
Danger. Well the fine people at www.combat-hooligans wrote the Danger Daily News for the
last few days. I will pick the winner on Friday. This Danger Daily News is going to be
stuff that has happen the last few days. So lets see what’s in the news pile.

The tax rebates are in the mail. I should get my very soon I hope.

Miley Cyrus is embarrassed by some photo’s taken by a Vanity Fair photographer. She is
semi nude and looks like crap. She is ugly and needs a hell of a lot of plastic surgery.

Cheri Oteri father has been murder. He was 69 years old. The funny thing was that he was
killed by a country music writer.

Kenneth Keith Kallenbach the man who was a side kick for Howard Stern died after getting
sick in jail. He was 39 and know longer funny. To tell the truth he is kinda stiff and he
knocked himself dead.

Roger Clemens was in the batters box of a 15 year old a few years ago. It all happen when
he was in Boston. He was the Red Sox’s ace and she was a country singer. Mindy McCready
took balls to the chin. She also had some white stuff on her. It could have been chaulk.

A dolphin has died at Sea World on Saturday. Look for the dolphin to be in a tuna can very
soon.

How about the joke’s of the day…………………………

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
The WWE know longer has any balls. Balls Mahoney that is.

Grand Theft Auto IV came out on Tuesday. It could break all time gaming sales.

There is a website that is offering free brest implants to Atlanta women. While looking at
the website I thought I saw Euan’s mom on there.

A teen in Florence, South Carolina has been arrested for plotting to blow up his high
school told police that he wanted to die, go to heaven and kill Jesus. Thats one way to do
it.

In this photo daddy knows best http://www.wwtdd.com/index.phtml?t=BROOKE+HOGAN.

How about another joke………………………..

Woman and a Fork

There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things ‘in order,’ she contacted her Pastor to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes.

She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.

Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

‘There’s one more thing,’ she said excitedly.

‘What’s that?’ came the Pastor’s reply.

‘I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand.’

The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing
quite what to say.

That surprises you, doesn’t it?’ the young woman asked.

I’m puzzled by the request,’ said the Pastor.

The young woman explained. ‘My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, ‘Keep your fork.’ It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming…like velvety chocol ate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!’

So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder ‘What’s with the fork?’ Then I want you to tell them: ‘Keep your fork the best is yet to come.’

The Pastor’s eyes welled up with tears
of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.

At the funeral people were walking by the young woman’s casket andsaw the fork in her right hand. Over and over, the Pastor heard the question, ‘What’s with the fork?’ And over and over he smiled.

During his message, the Pastor told the people of
the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.

He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel , indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share …being friends with someone is not an opportunity but a sweet responsibility.

The news reported a gay killer whale off the coast of Florida.
It seems the whale sneaks up on submarines and sucks out all the sea men.

Breast feeding is at a 20 year all time high.

The Atlanta Braves suck real bad.

If any all-girl punk band is looking for a cool name it should be the Bloody Cunts.

Hey something cool that is happening next Friday is Skid Row is in concert with Amy “Lita”
Dumas band the Luchagores opening up. This should be a good show to see.

Mark Cuban might to try and get Bobby Knight to coach his NBA team.

Jose Canseco is homeless as he lost his house to foreclosure.

Barbara walters had jungle fever as she dated a black senate. It happen a long time ago and
nothing else came of it.

How about another joke of the day……………….

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia
‘Aha!’ mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. ‘Aha!’ said the doctor once more, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side… then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his boys were no longer aching.
The doctor said, ‘How does that feel now?’
The midget replied, ‘Perfect Doc, and I didn’t even feel it. What did you do?’
The doctor replied ‘I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.’

How about the video of the day…………………

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hct5P_OfklU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_Ye48Fc3ZA&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Na_1xFZqcqk&feature=user

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8Q8jKO0wmA&feature=user

The winner of the Danger Daily News Contest is Euan Taylor.

Arts news articles were great. The jokes was funny. But the video of the day made me dq him
as I am a huge Dale Earnhart fan and shed a tear when he died. He was a racing legend that I
grew up as a kid loved to watch. ( 4-30-0

Casey did a great job. His news articles was good. The video’s was great but the jokes
lack that punch. Also Casey forgot something important at the end. ( 4-28-0

Euan won because the jokes was lame but at a kindergarden level was funny. The video’s were
great. I loved the prank phone calls. But he ended it with my catch phrase which is be
HARDCORE. Art did put it in his but like I said he was dq. ( 4-29-0

So Euan you I will be shipping your prize in the next few weeks.

The D.C. Madam commited hanged herself.

Cher dated Tom Cruise. It proves that he is gay.

A man charged with shooting three people outside a Las Vegas strip club denies he was
involved and accused suspended cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones of ordering the shooting
and framing him to avoid identifying the real shooter.

Santino Marella got arrested for DUI last night. He should be in the dog house with Vince
for awhile. Thats until Santino sucks Vince’s dick.

Look for Danger Reviews coming back this Friday on www.combat-hooligans.com. I will cover
Smackdown and do a live coverage of boxing. So please go their to check it out.

Ron Simmons was named to the College Football Hall of Fame. Yeah for him.

Well thats it for me, so till tomorrow I am the REAL Mark Danger saying BE HARDCORE.

Howdy fans and fellow holigans welcum to the Danger Daily News an welcum to these last day of April. I am your host cause daddy didnt kill me with a crissface Mark Danger.

The crator of L SD died today he wad 102. Art Shimko is morning right now………… and trippying to.

Their are photo of Miley Cyurs showing her naked back she had to apolagize to her fans for being slut.

David Blain the mexican magic guy brok e the record for holding his breath the longest. To bad he didn’t stop breathing and that cow oprah was freaking out shes soon gonna have a heart attack.

Lets do the joke of the day………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

There are four people from different counties on the Empire State Building. One is Japanese, one is French, one is Mexican, and one is American. They all want to throw something off the building that they have a lot of in their country. The Japanese guy goes first. He throws off sushi.
- There is a lot of sushi in my country.
Next is the French guy. He throws off a condom.
- There is too much love in my country.
Next is the Mexican. He throws off a taco.
- There is too much taco in my country.
Next goes the American. He looks around him and picks the Mexican up and throws him of the building and says:
- There are too much Mexicans in my country.

Heres some videos today:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNghC9Kp5As

luckily he wasnt in my nascar fanasty picks that day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCV5yGKWjv4

who let the dogs out ? I wouldnt fuck them wit Ric Gilliespies dick.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaNvIcJIfvg

this vido of euans mom really get me hot………………………… get me tissue.

Well thats it for me, so till tomorrow stay HARDCORE.